Oh, it was on the discussed short list... But for a lot of people, when you mention Chilton, you think of the car repair manuals and most of us were really trying for immediate mental-visual confirmation. You see, when we aim to scar the psyches of our readership, we're relentless.
DwDunphy
· 1 year ago
Which is to say, one Chilton reference was enough... Unlike my post-post commentaries...!
rwcass
· 1 year ago
"Thirteen" is written from the perspective of a twentysomething looking back at when he was 13, not a twentysomething who wants to walk a 13-year-old home from school, among other things.
j
· 1 year ago
"Stray Cat Blues", Rolling Stones. "I can see you're 15 years old. No I don't want your ID." On "Get Yer Ya-Ya's Out" she's 13 years old. Classy.
outsidecounsel
· 1 year ago
Nils Lofgren does a song called called "Jailbait" on the tragically out-of-print "Cry Tough". It would be a worthy addition to your list. "The law says she's 16/But she looks 23".
thefxc
· 1 year ago
Sparks' "Young Girls" came up on my iPod this morning--certainly a worthy addition to the list, even if you have to bump Mardones...
mojo
· 1 year ago
At one point, if I rememebr the legend right, Bill Wyman married a teenager and his son married her mother. Only in rock and roll can one have *diagonal lines* on their family tree. That's what these songs are all about.
Jack Feerick
· 1 year ago
The terrifying thing about the Wyman situation is that it so precisely paralleled the 1947 novelty hit "I'm My Own Grandpaw."
David_E
· 1 year ago
"Jack Blades is a happily married man and Tommy Shaw is a lesbian ..."
I laughed so hard milk came out my nose.
Sadly, it was in my coffee at the time. (The milk, not the nose. Though, ultimately ...)
Zack
· 1 year ago
I was about to throw a hissy fit when I saw Foreigner's "Seventeen" (thinking its inclusion meant that Winger's song was about to be excluded). You read me like a book, Jeff.
nm8tion
· 1 year ago
I don't mean to be a party pooper , but the Foreigner track you have up is "I'll Get Even With You," not "Seventeen"...
Otherwise, damn funny post.
DwDunphy
· 1 year ago
Damn it all... I'm workin' on it right now. Can't even get geezer skeeze right this week, can I??
DwDunphy
· 1 year ago
Like Tramp after he humped Lady, the siamese cats, the sofa cushions and the liquor cabinet corner... fixed.
wombosi
· 1 year ago
"Butterfly Kisses" is a perfect candidate for this list.
DwDunphy
· 1 year ago
Nah. That's totally a Father/Daughter song. It's also awful, but it's not the creepy pedophile vibe...
Zack
· 1 year ago
It's definitely creepy.
DwDunphy
· 1 year ago
Well, it's certainly crappy. What's a couple letters between friends?
buz
· 1 year ago
Nick Gilder's "hot child in the city" tho' a great song, always gives me the statu-skeevies. Here's Nick's money quote from "Rolling Stone" - "I tried writing from the perspective of a lecher"
Mark
· 1 year ago
When Brian Wilson wrote "Hey Little Tomboy" it probably started out as just a cute little song about his daughter changing from a tomboy to more of a girl. Then Mike Love must have gotten ahold of it and turned it into a lech-fest with his "I'm gonna teach you to kiss, it's gonna feel just like this." And what's with the snorty animal noises? Maybe they're acknowledging that they're pigs.
rwcass
· 1 year ago
I believe those are the Beach Boys' heavy petting sounds.
Chris
· 1 year ago
What? No Gary Puckett?
Bob
· 1 year ago
Exactly. "Young Girl" is the alpha and the omega of creepy, age-inappropriate rock songs. Not having it in this list is like not including Rupert Holmes' "Escape" in a list of all-time Pina Colada songs.
gary Lucy
· 1 year ago
That's all I was thinking the whole time I was reading this (though not in terms nearly so eloquant). Well played!
jefito
· 1 year ago
It was suggested, but nobody on the staff had a copy, and I wasn't about to go out and find one -- not even for you guys.
DwDunphy
· 1 year ago
We're grateful to you, 'cause none of us wanted to write "Young Girl" up anyhow.
TuffGong
· 1 year ago
The first song on this topic that comes to mind is definitely "Into The Night", which you guys listed. Second after that though is easily "Edge Of The World" by Faith No More. Okay, so it's a song sung from the perspective of a child molester, but still! It definitely fits the topic with lines like this:
"Come sit right down, lay your head on my shoulder It's not the point that I'm 40 years older"
And bonus points for the song having music that totally belies the evil intentions of the lyrics! The song sounds like a serene beautiful love song but boy do the lyrics tell another story.
I can't back FNM because creepy was the overarching intention. The majority of the chosen songs are based on an inadvertent but sincere admiration of the Teletubby-Tang.
License Farm
· 1 year ago
Oh come now, no love for Oingo Boingo's "Little Girls"?
Zack
· 1 year ago
I don't remember that one even coming up - not sure how we missed it.
Old_Davy
· 1 year ago
"Diana" by 3 lb. Thrill would fit in this list.
Ray
· 1 year ago
Good call! I remember this getting some airplay in Chicago on Q101 for about two weeks before they scrapped it, then hearing it a few weeks later in Albuquerque in heavy rotation. Definitely a creepy tune, still have their VULTURE cd somewhere in my collection.
Old_Davy
· 1 year ago
Vulture is a classic album. I see it for $1 at a lot of used stores. Pity, it's brilliant.
SF
· 1 year ago
"Jail Bait" by Andre Williams from 1957 would've fit nicely on this list...
indierocker
· 1 year ago
steely dan "hey nineteen" 'bout a freshmen girl moving to the singers' university, but she dont know anything about aretha the queen of soul and he dumps her for that?
and, rw cass, i was sure "thirteen" was on a twenty-something trying to walk a thirteen home from school, "won't you let me walk you home from school, won't you let me meet you at the pool, maybe friday i can get tickets for the dance, and I'll take youuuuuu"... no? :)
rwcass
· 1 year ago
Nineteen wouldn't be considered statutory in any state, but the protagonist in "Hey Nineteen" is definitely robbing the cradle. There are so many technicalities involved when debating statutory-rock songs ...
You were being sarcastic about "Thirteen" in the first place? Damn you! Well, that song did come up in our discussions of what would make the list, so I figured I'd repeat what I said there.
DwDunphy
· 1 year ago
I think it's worse that they guy's trying to get her loaded on cocaine and Cuervo.
On behalf of Exile Productions and Exile Publishing, we would kindly ask you not to post pirate copies of Van Morrison tracks on your site.
We do appreciate that you may be promoting Van's music, but Exile would greatly appreciate your co-operation in removing the file in question.
Thank you for respecting the artist's and labels' wishes and, if your readers want good quality, non-pirated, preview tracks from Van's new album - "Keep It Simple" - full versions of "That's Entrainment" and "Behind The Ritual" (along with album track samplers) are available for fans and bloggers to link to on Lost Highway's web-site at http://www.losthighwayrecords.com .
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jefito
· 1 year ago
Oh, for God's sake.
David Ragland
· 1 year ago
Wow. That's what one of these looks like.
eric
· 1 year ago
Van is definitely uptight about his music on the internets. His "people" (if you can call them that) even sent a DMCA notice to a band posting its own cover version of one of his tunes.
I'm hardly a fan of his music anyway, but if he wants to fade into obscurity, why should anyone stand in his way?
DwDunphy
· 1 year ago
Web Sheriff, isn't there an old lady getting mugged on the corner of MySpace and YouTube where your services would be more appreciated?
Niveous
· 1 year ago
Hey, great list.
But "Into the Night" isn't a creept statutory song. I thought it was for years until I heard an interview with Benny Mardones. It's about a girl whose parents are divorcing and she's caught in the middle and he wants to take her away from it.
It still sounds creepy as hell though.
David_E
· 1 year ago
RE-VISION-IST HIS-TORY ...
DwDunphy
· 1 year ago
Yeah. I wanna take you away from it... In my makeout van, 'cause that's what I love about these high school girls, man. I get older, they stay the same age.
TaylorTSides
· 1 year ago
In a weird way, this makes me proud to be part of this website.
Is there going to be a second or third part? This is only a short list of what everyone suggested...
Gilbert
· 1 year ago
"Clair" is not a statutory/pedo song...it's sung by an Uncle to his niece, it's actually more poignant/innocent than anything else...
DwDunphy
· 1 year ago
Stop lying to yourself, Gilbert, or should I say Mr. O'Sullivan or should I say Cradle Robber!
Dan
· 1 year ago
How did The Beatles - I Saw Her Standing There not make the list?
jefito
· 1 year ago
It was one of the many, many suggestions -- it was cut only in the interest of brevity.
Thierry
· 1 year ago
What about The Lovin' Spoonful's "Younger Girl":
And should I hang around, acting like her brother In a few more years, they'd call us right for each other And why If I wait I'll just die, yeah...
DwDunphy
· 1 year ago
I don't really dig John Sebastian, so this sounds like a plan.
George
· 1 year ago
I saw Winger in concert last summer (I was going through a hair band phase and was seeing all of the bands that passed through the area) and towards the end of "Seventeen" Kip Winger now says "She's only 35..." That got a good laugh out of all the ladies in attendance.
dslifton
· 1 year ago
In the words of Mayor Quimby, I need a beer and a shower.
DavidMedsker
· 1 year ago
God. My Elfman-loving wife is going to read me the riot act for not suggesting "Little Girls." First-ballot statutory rock song, that one.
All Comments
however, you have alex chilton here, and you dont have the big star: "thirteen"!
indierockerrevolution.blogspot.com
on their family tree. That's what these songs are all about.
I laughed so hard milk came out my nose.
Sadly, it was in my coffee at the time. (The milk, not the nose. Though, ultimately ...)
Otherwise, damn funny post.
Then Mike Love must have gotten ahold of it and turned it into a lech-fest with his "I'm gonna teach you to kiss, it's gonna feel just like this." And what's with the snorty animal noises? Maybe they're acknowledging that they're pigs.
"Come sit right down, lay your head on my shoulder
It's not the point that I'm 40 years older"
And bonus points for the song having music that totally belies the evil intentions of the lyrics! The song sounds like a serene beautiful love song but boy do the lyrics tell another story.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTsoj5ub_H8
and, rw cass, i was sure "thirteen" was on a twenty-something trying to walk a thirteen home from school, "won't you let me walk you home from school, won't you let me meet you at the pool, maybe friday i can get tickets for the dance, and I'll take youuuuuu"... no? :)
You were being sarcastic about "Thirteen" in the first place? Damn you! Well, that song did come up in our discussions of what would make the list, so I figured I'd repeat what I said there.
Protecting Your Rights on the Internet
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WITHOUT PREJUDICE
Hi Matthew / Popdose,
On behalf of Exile Productions and Exile Publishing, we would kindly ask you not to post pirate copies of Van Morrison tracks on your site.
We do appreciate that you may be promoting Van's music, but Exile would greatly appreciate your co-operation in removing the file in question.
Thank you for respecting the artist's and labels' wishes and, if your readers want good quality, non-pirated, preview tracks from Van's new album - "Keep It Simple" - full versions of "That's Entrainment" and "Behind The Ritual" (along with album track samplers) are available for fans and bloggers to link to on Lost Highway's web-site at http://www.losthighwayrecords.com .
Up-to-the-minute info on Keep It Simple and Van’s 2008 shows is, of course, also available on www.vanmorrison.com and www.myspace.com/vanmorrison and, for a limited period, you can still hear Van's exclusive BBC concert at http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio/aod/radio2_aod.shtml... and you can also see his BBC sessions at http://www.bbc.co.uk/musictv/vanmorrison/video/ .
As you will appreciate, this e-mail is written on a without prejudice basis and, as such, all of our clients' accumulated, worldwide rights and remedies remain strictly reserved : please excuse this required formality.
With Thanks & Regards,
WEB SHERIFF
I'm hardly a fan of his music anyway, but if he wants to fade into obscurity, why should anyone stand in his way?
But "Into the Night" isn't a creept statutory song. I thought it was for years until I heard an interview with Benny Mardones. It's about a girl whose parents are divorcing and she's caught in the middle and he wants to take her away from it.
It still sounds creepy as hell though.
Is there going to be a second or third part? This is only a short list of what everyone suggested...
And should I hang around, acting like her brother
In a few more years, they'd call us right for each other
And why
If I wait I'll just die, yeah...
STRAY CAT BLUES! by the stones
"it ain't no hanging offense"...