Popdose: The Sixth Day of Mellowmas: Boltonmas! | Popdose
DwDunphy
· 11 months ago
Wow. Michael Bolton. The architect of Battered Wife Syndrome. It's all coming back to me now.
Michael
· 11 months ago
I'm nearly convinced that you guys have raided my mothers holiday music collection. What's next, Kenny G?!?
DwDunphy
· 11 months ago
Next up: Kenny G!
EightE1
· 11 months ago
I agree this could have been worse. Like Samson shorn of his strength-giving locks, Bolton sans mullet is somehow less Boltony. Like he's half the Bolton he used to be. Seriously, that thing probably weighed 20 or 30 pounds.
He tries to make up for it with the smug camera shot, the cooing intro, and the humming, but those caterwauling passages lack the power of the mulleted Bolton. Because honestly, when someone goes to the local Wal-Mart and exchanges their 15 hard-earned bucks for A Swingin' Christmas, they're putting their money down for those caterwauling passages. Lots of them. No Sinatra shit, no humming, no falsetto. One caterwaul after another. The strings? Inconsequential. Children's choir? Only if the kiddies are his offspring and they, too, inherited the caterwaul. To not receive that unbridled power in the all-powerful, mulletted fashion to which we were accustomed in the early 90s is something of a rip-off.
Shout on, Michael. Shout on.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go practice my "Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallelujah's."
Rob EightE1
jasonhare
· 11 months ago
I agree completely, Rob, although you should check out last year's Boltonmas post -- he does a bit of caterwauling in that one. But you are right -- it simply doesn't compare to the Bolton of yore.
EightE1
· 11 months ago
Oh I remember. Dear God, I remember. I'll probably have to call my therapist later if I don't stop shaking.
MatthewBolin
· 11 months ago
I fear I must correct Jason on one point: Bolton and Nicolette broke off their engagement at the end of the summer. She is now dating....I shit you not.....David Spade:
All Comments
He tries to make up for it with the smug camera shot, the cooing intro, and the humming, but those caterwauling passages lack the power of the mulleted Bolton. Because honestly, when someone goes to the local Wal-Mart and exchanges their 15 hard-earned bucks for A Swingin' Christmas, they're putting their money down for those caterwauling passages. Lots of them. No Sinatra shit, no humming, no falsetto. One caterwaul after another. The strings? Inconsequential. Children's choir? Only if the kiddies are his offspring and they, too, inherited the caterwaul. To not receive that unbridled power in the all-powerful, mulletted fashion to which we were accustomed in the early 90s is something of a rip-off.
Shout on, Michael. Shout on.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go practice my "Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallelujah's."
Rob
EightE1
http://www.tvguide.com/News/Nicollette-Sheridan...
http://www.usmagazine.com/david-spade-welcomes-...
http://www.clevelandleader.com/files/grace-spad...
You're cruel cruel men.....
Now I know where Bill O'Reilly got the deluded notion someone was at war with Christmas :P